PFL – Week 6 recap

Welcome to the PFL recap for week #6.

Not much has changed from last week. More than any other year I can remember, the standings are showing a bit of separation between the ”Haves” and “Have-Nots”

What strikes me as unusual is the separation in number of wins. There are too many 1 and 2 win teams in the league after 6 games. Exactly half the PFL teams have 1 or 2 wins. Where the fuck are all the 3 win teams? After 6 games, someone should be playing .500 ball.

For Halloween this year, I decided to dress at Eagles head coach Any Reid, but I think it’s already been done. The menu as a play calling sheet is awesome. You know, because Reid is fat.

 

DURTY WHORES 1372

एक सौ गज की दूरी 1454

Mild upset down  in the Wraparound division. 100 Yards fucks the Whores. Neither team had a great week, but a win is a win. Am I rite?

Whores need to tighten up a bit. I suggest some kegal exercises and a razor.

एक सौ गज की दूरी

Nice week. Fred Jackson continues to tear it up every week. Matt Ryan had a solid week too, but so do most players facing the poor Carolina defense. 100 Yards tried to give the game away. Starting Braylon Edwards was an interesting move. He won’t be back from knee surgery for a couple weeks. Didn’t matter though, as 100 Yards knocked whores from the ranks of the unbeaten. This leaves only one team without a loss: Offal Team. I hate those pussies.

WHORES

Cam Newton and Mike Wallace had their usual 200 point week, along with Arian Foster. While he had a good fantasy week, he sucked at real football. Just ask him.

 

Arian Foster said he “played terrible” following Sunday’s loss to the Ravens.

Foster was held to 49 yards on 15 carries and dropped two passes. “I didn’t play a good game; it was obvious. It doesn’t matter what the variables were. I didn’t bring my A game, and it’s not going to happen again,” he said. The absence of Andre Johnson combined with the Ravens’ swarming defense was the real culprit. A healthy Foster will bounce back against the Titans next week.

Fucktard. Since there are only 16 games in an NFL season, can’t you just bring your “A” game every week?  You also sat out for two weeks nursing an injury, dipshit. The reason you went undrafted has nothing to do with talent. It has everything do with you being a head case. Have fun being the 43rd highest paid player on the Texans.

A special shout out to the Bears D, with 209 points this week.

 

GvilleGreen 1233

Hoggetowne Mafia 1491

Green is a shit team. I don’t think I should even talk about them.

Matthew Stafford is a douche.

Stevie Johnson? What grown man goes by the name Stevie?
Brian Hartline is just plain weird. Whatever happened to him after police found his vehicle abandoned after an accident?
Hines Ward – voted dirtiest player in the NFL… by other players.
Peyton Hillis I like. He was the fullback at Arkansas and shared the backfield with Felix Jones and Darren McFadden. Something’s just cool about that. He’s still a fullback though. The Browns just don’t have anyone else.
Reggie Bush? Make up your own joke for Reggie. Fish in a barrel.
Brandon Pettigrew? He’s the best tight on the Lions. That’s not saying much. Look at the other tight end’s dance after a TD:

Pettigrew has other problems though. He was just fined $7,500 by the NFL for a chop block.

LT – Formerly great player, with eroding skills now hanging on with the Jets. My favorite player on Green.

Enough about Green.

Mafia

Turner, Mendenhall, and Romo is all they needed to beat Green. Everyone else was under 100 except for Reggie Wayne. Good thing you were only playing Green. Mafia moves to 4-2 for the season.

Mafia has the distinction of holding two PFL records:

Week #3 – least receiving yardage – 81

Week #5 – least passing yardage – 34

 

Pigfuckers 1837

Swamp Kings 1327

Which is more enjoyable, hating on Swamp Kings because they keep winning, or hating on Swamp Kings because they suck?

 

Great week for Ahmad Bradshaw.

Kings beat their projection by over 100 points, and still lost by 500. Now with Jason Cambell gone, you are free to bring out Tebow to save the season. Felix Jones is hurt? Now there’s a surprise. This week is the battle of 1-5 teams w/ Kings facing Fatal.

 

Offal Team 1805

Donkey Punchers 1120

Woo hoo!

Time for my end zone dance, motherfuckers!

 

Some of team Donkey’s players had a decent week. Take a look:

Vick with 260? What the hell? How does this happen? There’s already a blueprint on how to contain Vick. There’s no excuse for letting him have 50 yards rushing, or even more ludicrous 237 yards passing. All you have to do is take away the 18 step drop. Simple. Observe:

Big day for Colston with 296. You should trade Colston for 3 guys that can score 100 point each.

RalphWiggum AllStars 1518

WanderLust 1751

Wiggum’s point total this week was higher than 8 of the 11 other teams (cue Nelson Muntz).

Wiggum

What happened to Roddy White? Does he miss Julio Jones? Don’t tell me it was the Carolina defense, because that’s not it. 2 catches and 5 targets is just weird. LeSean with 338. What a waste of a great week. Speaking of which, MVP Gostkowski won his matchup vs. the Wanderlust kicker 80-30. That’s the first step to victory, but Roddy and the New Orleans defense ruined it for everyone. Gostkowski is on a bye this week and Wiggum faces a fellow 1-5 team Donkey Punchers.

 

Wanderlust 

Brandon Marshall was on the bench with 218. One can’t exactly start him in place of Welker and Jacoby Jones’ point total was nearly identical to Marshall, but to start Mike Williams (118) ahead of Marshall is a bit strange.

Even though he was on the bench, I’m still going to display my clip of Brandon Marshall’s best play of the evening on Monday. Why would the QB even throw this?

Also, what happened to Daniels? We thought he was going to have a huge day.

 

Coach Gary Kubiak said Monday, “I got to do everything I can to get [Owen Daniels] more involved than he was [Sunday].”
Kubiak blamed extra attention and double teams for Daniels’ meager 13 yards against the Ravens. With Andre Johnson (hamstring) sidelined, defenses are aware that the tight end is often the No. 1 option in the passing game for Matt Schaub.

Kubiak… pfft. Blame it on the double teams.

 

Fatal Plus 1400

On My Knees 1498

This cannot keep happening. Another close loss for Fatal? Fucking amazing.

Fitzpatrick and MJD were the only two players over 200 points for Fatal.

 

On My Knees

On my knees had what can only be considered a bad week for them. Projection of 1748 never materialized. Still, it was just enough points to beat Fatal.

Steve Smith did not have a great week in Atlanta. He’s still the #3 WR in PFL with 1500 points. Smith was quite a steal as the third pick in the 7th round. Best thing about him? Still loves playing football.

 

 

 

I was looking for a book to read this week. What killed me here was the The “Customers Also Viewed” at the bottom. Hilarious:

And finally: