PFL – Week 7 recap
So you’re at the World Series, watching the Rangers. In the 5th inning of game 4, a member of the grounds crew takes the field and starts dancing.
How is it that the players pay no attention to this fool? Isn’t white boy dancing something that you would give you pause, at least for a few seconds? The reason the players pay him no mind, it that he’s a paid performer. He’s not really there to rake anything.
Does everyone already know this but me? Am I the last one?
To get over my shame and embarrassment I simply watched this 50 times. I feel much better now.
Offal Team wins again. Still undefeated. Suck it, 100 Yards.
Donkey has a great week and Wiggum continues to struggle.
Wanderlust moves to 5-2, while Pigfuckers are 2-5
Swamp Kings are back! Tebow! Tebow! Tebow!
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Whores crush pathetic, impotent GvilleGreen
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Mafia wipes the gurglesmirk off On My Knees face.
Cocks.
Another week, and still no teams with exactly 3 wins. Weird.
Offal Team is undefeated, but they haven’t faced much of a schedule yet. Fatal and Swamp Kings have faced the toughest schedules, and it shows. Everyone is still in the race though, so there’s no need for writing a poem on a fan yet. For scoring damn near the same amount of points this season, you’d think Mafia and Green would have more similar records.
While there are no 3 win teams there IS a 1 team team: 100 Yards.
Offal Team 1984
एक सौ गज की दूरी 1176
100 Yards of Glory Hole
Dez Bryant - 247 against the hapless Rams.
ARLINGTON – One of the lighter moments in the Cowboys’ 34-7 win over the Rams on Sunday was the bear hug that Dez Bryant gave Jason Garrett.
After closing the game’s scoring with a 20-yard touchdown reception with 4:07 left, Bryant snuck up on Garrett to squeeze the coach, who responded with an embarrassed smile and laughter.
“I was just showing my excitement, that’s it,” Bryant said. “I grabbed him – I didn’t say nothing. I think he felt my excitement. He felt my emotions, my passion for the game. I think he felt that.”
That is so sweet. Their love and admiration spilled over onto the playing field. What a great story. I hope Garrett and Dez are happy together. Cocks.
Shonn Greene - Extra N, extra E with 234 points vs. the Chargers.
That’s it. Janikowski has a “hamstring” injury, which could mean just about anything from an overdose to legal troubles.
Cocks.
RalphWiggum AllStars 1396
Donkey Punchers 1612
Wiggum
Matt Schaub 277 as the Texans absolutely killed the Titans. 18 of 23 passing on the day. Also, cocks.
Pierre Thomas - 250 when the Saints slaughtered the Colts. Can’t knock the Saints for the score. They didn’t run it up. Cocks.
Jimmy Graham - 228 and there was no one on the Colts that could cover this guy. No relation to Billy Graham.
Through seven games, Jimmy Graham is having one of the best seasons ever by a tight end. The Saints stud has 45 receptions, 674 yards, and five touchdowns. Over 16 games, that projects to 103 receptions (Tony Gonzalez has the record at 102), 1,541 yards (Kellen Winslow has the record at 1,290), and 11 touchdowns (Antonio Gates and Vernon Davis share the record with 13). You may think it’s improbable that Graham can have so much success despite only being in his second season as a pro (he also only played one season of college ball)
More on Jimmy Graham and his touching story here. Good stuff. No cocks.
Donkey Punchers
You can see why I dropped Colt McCoy from my roster. I realize he was just a bye week fill in, but the guy is attempting 5 yard passes all day, doesn’t throw touchdowns, and is just having a tough time directing the Browns to glory or cocks.
Greg Jennings with 354! ”Injuries to the Vikings secondary made for easy pickings by the Packers speedy receiver. Jennings hauled in seven balls for 147 yards including a ridiculously easy 79-yarder in which no one was within 20 yards of him.” source
Marques Colston - 316 for the easiest victory ever by the Saints. Cocks.
Montario Hardesty - 244 point on 33 carries and some receptions. Would be nice if Cleveland could get into the red zone a few times per game. Cocks.
Donkey Punchers finally have two wins this season. Holla.
WanderLust 1551
Pigfuckers 1380
This was one of the better match-ups of the week. Wanderlust move to 5-2 while Pigfuckers are the opposite at 2-5.
I have no idea.
Pigfuckers
Aaron Rodgers - 352 – With a QB putting up these type of numbers week after week, you’d think Pigfuckers would have a couple more wins.
Steven Jackson - 206 points is amazing considering how terrible the Rams are at everything else. I wonder what Steven Jackson’s career would have been like if he played for a semi-decent team.
James Starks - Is starting to heat up. He was on the bench this week but finished with 198 points. Cocks.
Wanderlust
Drew Brees - 433 because the Saints were only toying with the Colts. I think he could have easily thrown for a few more touchdowns.
Michael Bush - 222 on a day where absolutely nothing went right for the Raiders. Didn’t quite see the Chiefs shutting them out, but that’s what happened. Time now for Carson Palmer pics.
One final player for Wanderlust worth mentioning is the beast, Jonathan Stewart - 198. He appears to be getting more work in Carolina, with 14 carries this week, compared to the past three weeks of 7,6, and 8.
Fatal Plus 1258
Swamp Kings 1869
Normally, Fatal Plus match-ups are the same story line every week. . They end in a frustrating loss by just a few points. Not this week. This week, Swamp Kings convincingly stomped Fatal, and there’s one good reason for that:
Swamp Kings
Timmy Tebow – 319 blessed points. He turned in one of the worst QB performances I’ve ever seen. 48% completions for 161 yards and 2 TD AND 65 yards rushing. I believe the the Dolphins have one of the worst defenses in the NFL, so I was expecting a bit better out of Tebow, even if the Broncos traded their best receiver the week of Tebow’s first start. The Broncos also didn’t run their regular offense. Tebow ran a bunch of option read type plays and the Broncos moved the ball very little on first and second down. Tough to run in the NFL when the defense knows you are running. On third and long, the right tackle kept getting beat and Tebow had no time. He was sacked 7 times. They should move Clady over to the right side to protect their lefty QB’s blindside.
DeMarco Murray - 566 points. I’d say the Cowboys just found a solution at running back. 253 yards rushing on 25 carries.
Calvin Johnson - 290 points vs/ the Falcons. No team can stop this guy.
Does this mean Swamp Kings are ready to make a playoff run? I hope not.
Also, is this a kiss? If so, it wouldn’t be the first time. He planted a wet one on a teammate at UF.
sure looks like a kiss.
Fatal Plus
Fatal falls to 1-6. This was a heavy bye week for the roster, with six players on a bye. There were only 2 people on the bench eligible to play this week and of course they both topped 200 points. Kevin Kolb - 242 and Ben Tate - 208
Among the players actually starting, there’s not much to crow about.
Antonio Brown with 317 is about it. Joe Flacco had a terrible week with only 61. At least all those bye weeks are out of the way. Fatal faces 5-2 Wanderlust this week.
DURTY WHORES 1971
GvilleGreen 858
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I just made a trade with Green. We exchanged kickers. I’m thrilled to have Gould on my roster. I can’t even remember what kicker I gave up, but hooray for trades! No one else has made a trade this year. Should I extend the trade deadline?
Green
No one on the roster was up over 200 points this week. Moving along….
DURTY WHORES 6-1-0
Arian Foster - 648 vs. the Titans. Didn’t see this coming. Last week I was thinking he should shut his hole and get back to playing football. Turns out that’s what happened. Good for him. Having healthy running backs is becoming a problem for several rosters. Look at what happened from just this past week. This is from ESPN:
When Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Earnest Graham made the wrong cut on the grass field at Wembley Stadium last Sunday and his Achilles tendon popped, you sensed it was going to be a bad day for running backs.
Redskins halfback Tim Hightower blew out a knee. Beanie Wells of the Cardinals suffered another knee injury. Saints rookie back Mark Ingram limped to the locker room with a heel injury. Willis McGaheesuffered a hand injury that required surgery. Darren McFadden of the Raiders was on crutches from a foot injury. The Cowboys, already down Felix Jones with a high ankle sprain, lost Tashard Choice with a shoulder injury. Marshawn Lynch of the Seahawks watched his back tighten up in warm-ups and couldn’t play.
Cam Newton - 383 I kick myself every week when I see Cam’s numbers. Should have added him to my roster when I had the chance. Or, chances. Fuck. Oh, and cocks.
Mike Wallace 296 – All he does is catch 40+ yard touchdowns every week.
Also of note was Indy RB Delone Carter finished with 208 this week on the bench.
Whores keep rolling.
Hoggetowne Mafia 1177
On My Knees 905
Another shitty matchup. Another win for Mafia with a questionable point total, but as they say…. a win is a win. Cocks.
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Mafia
Michael Turner - 244 vs. the Lions. I think the whole Jim Schwartz handshake thing fucked the Lions last week. I have no other reason to explain why the Lions defensive line doesn’t dominate every game.
No other player on Mafia was broke 200. Cocks.
On My Knees 5-2-0
Plaxico Burress - 230 points on the bench. Plax was benched in favor of Miles Austin (32) and Kevin Walter (70). I’m thrilled to see On My Knees have a bad week. At one point I thought they might steamroll their way through the entire regular season.
Steve Smith - 298 He continues to impress every week. This week, the Redskins decided they could cover him one on one. Seriously? How do people get to be NFL coordinators and still make these retarded decisions?
That’s it. On My Knees had a tough week w/ no Tom Brady.
Enjoy.